Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Message from an avocado

After my last blog about how all my positive intentions may actually have no bearing on whether or not I finally get pregnant, I now have a confession to make: I still believe in psychics. Maybe this does not surprise you about me; maybe it does! I have a feeling it doesn't. :-) In any case, I like to think of psychics as people who can tap into the wisdom of the collective unconscious, more so than commune with spirits or anything along those lines. At this point in my pregnancy process, I'm looking for some kind of wisdom--any kind--that will help me to understand my experiences and have more faith that this nonsense is, perhaps, "happening for a reason." Soooo, I turn to psychics because religion and psychology and yoga and acupuncture have yet to convince me of any method behind this madness.

My favorite psychic--the only one I actually follow regularly--is a woman I met when I worked at the Omega Institute, name Elizabeth Harper. She calls herself an "intuitive" rather than a psychic, and she is especially attuned to colors and their meanings/messages. (BTW, can you imagine going through life with every color you see sending you messages from beyond? Exhausting!) Elizabeth has done one very interesting and astute reading for me in the past, when I was trying to decide which grad school to attend (that's another story), and she also made me a personalized fertility meditation which I use all the time to *relax.* One of the other cool things she does, however, is to host a video blog each Monday with your Colorscope for the week! It's so fun--first, you have to "intuit" to which of the week's colors you are most attracted: AVOCADO GREEN, TOMATO RED OR MOZZARELLA WHITE.... (choose the one for Aug. 1, 2001)

Now, maybe you don't feel like watching Elizabeth's video, so let me sum up what her message was for the color I chose: AVOCADO GREEN (of course): "Avocados are a lime green color, and lime is the color of things that are fresh and new...So you are going through some changes, green is often about a new identity...Taking layers off, then going to get to hard place, something you may have had to tackle before, something that needs to be changed...once you get inside that hard place, there is a seed, something new that you can plant, it will be fertilized and it will grow, it will be be nurtured, it may take year or longer, but there's a sense of you getting down to nitty gritty...and green is heart color, something stuck in heart for long time...jelly bean is brown: there is fertile ground waiting for you."

Yahoo! Just the kind of thing you want to hear--"Fertile ground is waiting for you..."--while you await your IVF cycle. But what about this "hard place" inside me that needs to be addressed? What is this little seed at the core of who I am that needs to grow and evolve in order to help my dream come true? That's a lot of responsibility to feel right now--that I have to figure out this seed's problem and fix it before doing IVF. But it also feels hopeful--like if I can work on myself in the next few weeks, really peel off some layers and spoon out the mush and scrape off the seed, I might finally get to the planting and growing stage. I like the image of a fresh, little sprout popping up from a big, hard seed. More green...

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