Tuesday, February 8, 2011

An Oddity

I like my reproductive endocrinologist (RE); I do. I like him even though he just called my uterus "an oddity." He has his theories about how and why it's misshaped the way it is, but he has "never seen anything like it before." Okay, so I'm unique--but the word oddity suggests that I'm unique in the "special bus" way, not the "rare black diamond" way. Annoying.

I figure there have to be some other odd ducks like myself out there, but searching cyber-space I fail to find anything that seems like a direct match. So naturally I turn to Amazon.com for more information. Here's the smorgasbord of items that comes up when I search "uterus":
  1. a Uterus w/ Fetus Model Set;
  2. a book called from 1864 called On the causes and treatment of abortion and sterility: being the result of an extended practical inquiry into the physiological and morbid conditions of the uterus;
  3. the boxed set of Friends Season 4 (video on demand);
  4. a stuffed Uterus Plush Figure made by Womb Service (complete with ovaries and a smile);
  5. the mp3 for a song called "Jail";
  6. a CD entitled Aquitania: Christmas Music from Aquitanian Monasteries (12th Century);
  7. Mammary and Uterus Care tea;
  8. Uterus PowerPoint slides;
  9. a black men's t-shirt emblazoned with the confident phrase "UTERUS BRUISER";
  10. a German-language DVD called L-Shots.
Wow, talk about an oddity! That list is like an oulipo poem and does absolutely nothing to A) help me learn about the uterus' many and varied manifestations or, B) make me feel better. The book from 1854 is more promising than the Friends DVD and the German film, but the t-shirt is just insulting. The nuns in the Aquitanian monastery probably knew some things about their uteruses, but I'm not convinced they would have slipped that knowledge into their Christmas carols. Maybe I should just get the plush, pink, grinning uterus to hug while I consider the sad dearth of information about my physiology. Dammit...It looks like I am going to have to write a book about the oddest of organs: The Uterus.

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