Thursday, February 24, 2011

The Search Continues

Picture this ram's head in miniature, sitting right above my pelvic bone. Only it's smaller, and pinker, and softer. But this is its shape--sort of. Not quite--but I really want it to be. Let me explain...

My helpful friend, Heather, loaned me some of her midwifery books so I could learn more about my "deformed uterus." Therein, on page 180 of the tome Holistic Midwifery: A Comprehensive Textbook for Midwives in Homebirth Practice, Vol 1--Care During Pregnancy, our esteemed author, Anne Frye, provides a picture series of seven uteri in various shapes. Frye diplomatically refers to their variations as "anomalies" rather than using that "defect" word I've seen and heard elsewhere. (Oh Midwifery Model, you are so much kinder!) Anyway, the Class IV: Bicornuate uteri basically look like variations on the theme of O'Keefe's Ram's Head painting--minus the stormy sky and high-desert hills. The skull is the uterus (in this case, with two separate cavities) and the horns are the fallopian tubes leading to the finger-like flourish at the tips--the ovaries, of course. Ah, to have such a uterus! Look at it there, hovering above the horizon with a saucy flower behind its year. That uterus could get pregnant just looking at a bull!

But no, as I read on I find that the bicornuate unterus description doesn't jive with what I have come to understand about my own anatomy; alas, there is no inner ram's head for me. Reviewing the Class V: Septate uteri graphics that are below the beautiful ram's head series, I see something a little more familiar but a lot less glamorous. These uteri look like jester's hats, if the middle of the hat drooped down into the space where the joker's head would go (at least, until the Queen tires of him). Unfortunately, not only does this squished-jester-hat image hold little artistic appeal, but it just don't match with what my test results show: a heart-shaped, asymmetrical uterus.

Now I'm no gifted researcher, but usually my instincts lead me to the answers I need. However, further Googling on topics such as asymmetrical uterus yields only this gem: "Sterility in cows: its causes and treatment." I believe that any comparison of one's body parts to those of barnyard animals is a sign that one should stop the research for the night--or perhaps, forever.

Where's Georgia O'Keefe when me and my unique uterus need her?!?

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