Saturday, December 5, 2009

Letter to Santa

Are 30-year-olds allowed to write letters to Santa? If so, here's what I'd write:

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is A) world peace, B) an end to global warming and C) a baby. Not a fully formed baby--spare the elves, I can do the work--just the conception part would be fine.

I personally think I've been pretty good this year; the mean things I've actually done (as opposed to having thought about doing) have mostly involved cutting people off in traffic and yelling at the radio when dumb people are talking. I know these things count against me but they must seem pretty mundane compared to some people's naughtiness, right? C'mon Santa--keep me on the "nice" list for another year!

It would be incredible if you could find it in your heart to grace my husband and I with a healthy fetus, and honestly, it would really restore my faith in you as something more than a commercial gimmick (not that you have anything to prove...). Plus, if I end up pregnant by Christmas, I promise to do even more to bring about world peace and an end to global warming--I'll certainly be motivated to improve this world if I know I'm bringing an innocent soul into it in the next nine months!

Thanks for you time, consideration and hearty laughter, Santa.


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